It’s been a weird blur of so many things from the time I got back to work till now. Time seems to pass so quickly these days it’s hard to keep track. I remember events, but forget what day they happened. Sometimes I just straight up forget what day it is, which happened before but hits me a little harder now. Being in a new space and having some more time for self care has added to my ability to think clearly and be reflective on life and all the important things I hadn’t had time to truly work on before. But in this new open space, this new era of open space in my brain to figure shit out, I’ve had to spend a lot of time building gates and fences to keep out all the bad stuff. Picked out a corner of the land to build a processing center for stress. It’s still under construction, and I had to use quite a bit of tax dollars to build it, but once it’s up and running…yeah.
That analogy works, right?
But in this open space, despite dealing with the “chores” that come with it, I’m also taking advantage of the good. A new influx of creativity, my writing and podcasting self now being able to breath. No longer stifled, like a person who’d been working in a cubicle for years finally released into the open air, work from home style. Where I used to struggle with topics to talk/write about, I now find myself struggling to pick just one and having enough time to do it all. My hand writes so freely again, my writers cramp is like a welcome friend, a feeling of accomplishment like sore arms after a workout.
And for some reason (I know the reason, but that’s for another post), I’ve been drawn to haiku’s more than anything right now. the simplicity, and yet the care you have to put into it. Even so far as to find myself in quandaries like “is the word ‘change’ one or two syllables”.
Seriously, is it “Chan-ge” or is it just “change”?
In any case, my creative writing muscles have blood flow to them again, I just have to work my way through this period of “mental pins and needles”.
Hand in hand with it comes something I addressed about a year and a half ago, but didn’t write about. I was trying to figure out what about my environment that I was living in made me uncomfortable. What did I need to make it truly feel like home? What was a constant in all my previous homes that wasn’t here? And finally asking myself that I realized:
Up until 2010, every home I lived in provided me with a regular (most times daily) dose of clear, clean, green life all around me. Whether we were living deep in the woods or nearby a park we would frequent, I always had that visual comfort, the taste in the air, the feeling of that connection with the Earth.
Back when I first figured it out, we talked about it, and went straight to a nursery. Picked out a lovely Hardy Banana that lived in the bedroom for a few months. Eventually it got too big for the pot, and the weather had turned cold. I took it outside, and that was that. Dead within a week or so. But the feeling it gave me for those few short months was amazing. It was such an important change in my daily life.
So now, with this newfound free time, I’ve made it a point to get out into the world again. Hitting trails at local parks, or even just finding a quiet spot in the typically busy park down the street. When we hit spring again I’ll certainly be picking up a Hardy Banana or two, and as the winter rolls in and I decorate the new space, I’ll incorporate paintings as well as one of my favorite things: plant diagrams.
In the meantime, parks, trails, lakes, nature, being able to breath again and unplug. I am so grateful for this. Being able to soak in our wonderful world once again, like I did for most of my life. Like putting a new battery in me, making me clearer of mind and more efficient.
And then possibly the best part: sharing it. Taking kiddo on hikes, giving her the same experience. Spending time with friends who feed off it as much as I do.
Cheers to new adventures, and even returning to old ones ✌🏻